FIND YOUR STRENGTH & REDEFINE “STRONG”
Black women have learned from our mothers, grandmothers, aunties, (insert Black mother-figure) to assume the role of superwomen to protect and support our men, be the glue that holds the family together, and ensure that our personal demons never see the light of day. And if we fail to fulfill the role of a nurturing matriarch who continues to put others’ needs before our own without asking anything in return, we may receive a lot of backlash from society.
We are expected naturally to be strong because we come from a bloodline of fighters, and we are still fighting. We fight against racial injustice, economic disparity, domestic violence, police violence, and other societal issues. Still, we should exercise our power to choose to be strong Black women because we want to and not because our cultural values demand it.
Keep reading to discover how you can own your expression of strength and be a strong Black women your own way.
Release Those Secrets: 5 Tips to Help You FIND YOUR STRENGTH
Build a Support System
If you feel reluctant to voice your thoughts, concerns, or emotions because of the lack of a good support system then you’re reading the right blog! Life without a tribe can be lonely; a healthy support system improves your emotional and physical health increasing your overall quality of life.
To build a strong support system, you must let go of unhealthy relationships or limit your interactions with toxic people in your life while nurturing the ties you do have with people who support you. Nurturing is an action word meaning you will have to put energy into the relationships but its energy well spent. A healthy support system won’t drain your energy but actually helps give you a new lease on life.
You also need to be open to stepping out of your comfort zone to connect with new people. Consider joining a formal emotional support group online or in person. Bonus points if the support group is led by a mental health professional.
A great way to strengthen your support network is to maintain open communication, express gratitude, and offer support (these relationships are give and take).
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
Sometimes being born to a Black family is being raised in an environment where vulnerability rarely encouraged.
“Girl, wipe those tears. Don’t let anyone see you cry!”
Those who raised us more often than not don’t know how to handle vulnerability. From them, we learned that suppressing our emotions is the best way to protect our honor, hold everything together, and get things done.
The truth is that vulnerability can be a beautiful thing. It is confirmation that you are human, flawed yet unique. Being vulnerable allows you to be in touch with your emotional needs. If you feel the need to express your emotions by crying, screaming, or laughing, go ahead and do so without fear of judgment.
Embrace your strengths and accept your shortcomings. Work on the qualities that make you feel inferior or undeserving. Finally, muster the courage of imperfection so you can enjoy life as your authentic self.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Women are less likely than men to set boundaries because they are afraid of seeming unappealing, self-absorbed, or aggressive. However, not setting boundaries makes women prone to disrespect and abuse. It is also one of the fastest ways to develop feelings of contempt or resentment, worthlessness, burnout, depression, and ultimately ruin social relationships.
Setting boundaries will help you protect your mental health and overall well-being. It can be as simple as refusing to;
Take on more work than you can handle.
Be the fixer.
Make commitments that don’t serve you.
Tolerate the bull…. (like entertaining inappropriate jokes at work or in your relationships)
Enforcing boundaries can be tricky. You want people to recognize and respect them, but you fear appearing rude, controlling or may start to feel guilty. So, the best way to enforce your boundaries while being your usual loving self is to be assertive and consistent.
Here are some tips that will help with enforcing your boundaries:
Make your boundaries as clear and specific as possible.
Be open to reminding others calmly but firmly if they forget.
Stay relaxed when communicating with someone who crosses your boundaries.
Reassure your loved ones that setting boundaries isn’t meant to hurt or push them away but improve your relationship.
Be compassionate with yourself. Don’t beat yourself when you give in to someone who constantly resists and crosses your boundaries or when your boundaries aren’t working. Instead, remind yourself that you deserve to protect your energy, peace, and dignity, and you will do so patiently. Practice being assertive or create new boundaries if the current ones aren’t working for you.
Be consistent. People are likely to respect your boundaries if you continue to stand by them regardless of place or circumstance.
Limit interactions with people who have zero respect for your boundaries. If they continue to violate your boundaries despite constant reminders, it is not a YOU problem but a THEM problem. Should they still deserve a seat at your table? Let them sit at the back, where you can’t see them.
Talk to a Professional
Don’t be afraid to talk to a professional. The deep-rooted mental health stigma in the Black community makes it natural to attach fear and shame to seeking help, but the right therapist can help turn your life around. Why should seeking help make us feel weak, vulnerable, or defeated when we are only doing so to become better for ourselves and the people we love? We visit the doctor when we experience symptoms of physical diseases, so seeking emotional and mental support should not be a question of culture or faith but caring for our health.
Talking to a mental health professional will help you explore your thoughts and feelings that manifest as anxiety, stress, overwhelm, sadness, or disconnection. You will also unearth and overcome negative thought loops and unintegrated trauma stopping you from living your authentic self.
Be Honest
Have you ever wondered what someone would think if you expressed your feelings in the moment (or after you cooled down if the situation had you heated)? Did you replay the scenario in your head of you speaking your piece and getting your feelings off your chest? FYI, We’re not talking about reading people for filth or going into hysterics but calmly and clearly sharing your feelings so the receiver will know its coming from a thoughtful place.
Repressing your emotions can cause you to suffer a great deal of stress, but it may also result in bottled-up feelings of resentment, anxiety, or anger that may explode at the slightest provocation. Being honest about your feelings and emotions is the best way to manage and cope with them. It will help you reduce anxiety and stress, build your confidence and self-esteem, and strengthen your social relationships.
To practice honesty, you first have to start by acknowledging your feelings without being judgmental. Recognize that it is okay not to be okay; it is okay to feel the need to set boundaries; it is okay to express anger and dissatisfaction; it is definitely okay to love and want more for yourself.
You may be wondering, "What if I offend people by being honest about my feelings?" or "How can I trust people not to react badly to my honest communication?" You just have to trust people with your feelings. You can’t control how people react or respond, but you can choose whether to express your emotions appropriately or hide them behind a smile.
Remember, you are responsible for how you communicate your feelings, emotions, or thoughts, but the receiver is responsible for how they interpret them. If they reject or dismiss what you’re saying then it may be time to re-evaluate that relationship.
A strong Black woman shouldn’t be described in black and white; we are all unique. It can be exhausting to suppress or lose touch with your emotions just to create a false sense of peace or happiness. Your display of strength should be backed by self-love, not fear of being seen.
Let us know in the comments which of these ideas you’ll make a part of your lifestyle and how you hope to rediscover your strength by using them.
Don’t forget to share this with a strong Black woman in your circle.