the art of saying “no” & accepting help
Statistics from way back in 2010 show that Black women are more likely than other groups, including Black men, to report feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or being overwhelmed. Why are we like this? We give so much that we over-exert ourselves, subjecting our minds and bodies to frustration and pain without seeking or willingly accepting help.
The cultural and self-imposed expectation for Black women to always be "strong" and self-sufficient leads to exhaustion, anxiety, burnout, sickness, and physical pain. Fortunately, we can unlearn generational patterns and be more intentional about living balanced lives.
Why Is It Important for You to Embrace Saying No?
Saying "no" and accepting help can improve your life in many ways.
● It can help to preserve and strengthen your relationships.
Learn to confidently wield a "no" to benefit yourself and others. Struggling to say "no" can lead to negative emotions and distance in your relationships. You may feel resentment and anger towards others, causing you to become emotionally numb or lash out. It's essential to seek help for these behaviors before they strain your connections with loved ones and colleagues. Don't weaken these relationships by saying "yes" when you don't have the mental, physical, or emotional resources to fulfill requests.
● It can empower us to set boundaries.
You struggle with the pressure to be everything to everyone. Learning to say "no" can be a powerful tool in setting limits for what you can and cannot do for others. Setting boundaries can give you the control you need over your time, energy, and resources, both personally and professionally. Doing this will ensure that you're doing what's best for yourself while also being a more stable support for others.
● It promotes more freedom and a balanced lifestyle.
Gone are the harmful stereotypes and expectations that have pressured you and kept you bound for too long. Enter a new culture that embraces vulnerability and prioritizes your mental and emotional well-being.
● It can help support your physical and mental health.
Prioritizing your own needs is essential to living a balanced life. Neglecting them can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as emotional eating, substance abuse, and poor sleep. These behaviors can compromise your immune system and contribute to physical concerns like heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and more. In addition to physical health concerns, neglecting your needs increases the risk of mental health problems such as anxiety or depression. This is why learning to say no and seeking help is crucial for preventing overwork and burnout while promoting a healthy work-life balance.
5 TIPS TO SAY “NO” & MEAN IT
You always have a choice. A request is not an obligation. If you feel like someone is trying to manipulate you by disguising the request as an obligation, trust your instincts and know that you have the power to make a decision that is best for you.
Identify your priorities. For our Christian sisters, we turn to the Word for support on this point. "And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it" Habakkuk 2:2 (KJV). God asks us to put the vision down in writing and to make it clear enough so that he who reads it can run. In what direction? The direction of the vision.
Without understanding your values and goals, you could bend over backward to fulfill any and all requests, leading to eventual burnout from directionless pursuits. Clarifying your vision and priorities is crucial to stay on track toward meaningful achievements.
Practice to increase your comfort level. Saying no can be challenging at first, especially if you have a habit to people-please or struggle to communicate your needs assertively. You can get past this by practicing in front of a mirror or with a close friend or family. The more you say it, the easier it will become.
Be clear and direct. Leave no room for misunderstandings. It is essential to be direct, calm, firm, and respectful. Keep your reason for the refusal simple and straightforward. Avoid over-explaining or apologizing excessively.
Offer an alternative. You can always propose an option if you find it difficult to commit to social events or activities. For instance, if you're not up for attending a large gathering or feel overwhelmed, suggest meeting up later in a smaller group setting. This approach demonstrates your willingness to compromise while prioritizing your needs and comfort level.
Don't let the fear of judgment stop you from saying no. If the thought of declining a request or favor crosses your mind, or if you feel uncomfortable or annoyed when asked to do something for someone else, it's time to find the courage to say no. You might worry about how family members or coworkers may perceive you, but bottling up resentment and stress is not worth it. You can avoid unnecessary anxiety and tension in your relationships by saying no. Remember: it's okay to prioritize your own needs and boundaries!
4 TIPS TO SEEK HELP WITHOUT FEELING WEAK
TIPS TO SEEK HELP WITHOUT FEELING WEAK
Under Your Why. Don't let your justifications for seeking help hold you back; challenge them with a contrary argument. Take a moment to write down your reasons for avoiding seeking help. Is it fear of judgment or rejection? Maybe feeling like you should be able to handle everything on your own? Whatever the reason may be, acknowledging it is the first step. And the good news is that there are plenty of benefits to seeking help and support when needed.
By writing down justifications and countering them, you can reframe your beliefs about seeking help and realize that it is a sign of strength and a necessary step towards improving your well-being.
Be Clear and Concise. Whether you need emotional support or practical assistance, being clear, concise, and specific about your needs can make seeking help targeted and effective. From housekeeping to dog walking, babysitting to caregiving, meal delivery to professional guidance - knowing what you need will make it easier to contact the right people who can offer the appropriate help. Don't struggle alone when our community is here to support you!
Faith without Works is Dead. Faith community and spiritual beliefs can provide immense comfort and strength during the struggle. However, it's important to take a holistic approach to prioritize self-care and seek professional guidance and support from your family and friends.
Joining support groups or connecting with other black women who share similar experiences can provide you with a valuable source of support and validation. It can also help you feel less alone and more understood. Don't struggle alone in your prayer closet - find comfort in knowing others can relate to what you're going through.
Seek out culturally competent professionals. Looking for a mental health professional who truly understands the unique challenges black women face can make all the difference in your journey to healing. They must be sensitive to your culture as a black woman or have experience treating clients from diverse backgrounds. Don't give up if you're struggling to find the right therapist! You may need to meet with a few people before finding someone who truly sees and understands you. To start your search, consider checking online mental health directories for black therapists in your area or explore virtual therapy options if time is tight. Remember, finding the right therapist is investing in yourself and your well-being!